


Letters

by BreezySkye



Series: Candy Shop [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anna is dead, Balthazar is a rich and pompous dildo, M/M, Sabriel happens eventually but it's not the focal point of the fic, Suicidal Thoughts, and Gabe is sad, mentions of drinking, mentions of drug abuse, suicidal idealization, there is also candy involved
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-10
Updated: 2014-03-13
Packaged: 2018-01-15 05:49:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1293640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BreezySkye/pseuds/BreezySkye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After his little sister Anna is killed by their brother at only 16, Gabriel escapes his privileged life in Chicago by running to California. He writes letters to her every day, and here are just a few of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

October 23, 2005

Heya, Anna

It’s been a year. I miss you. I miss your smile and your crazy red hair and the way you’d never close my door all the way. I miss Cas and I miss home. I made it to California, finally. As far away from you and from home as I could get without a passport. I left mine at home when I left. I left right after you did. Almost drove off a bridge a few times, but I made it to Cali. Gonna sleep in the back of my truck until I can get a job. It’s not as cold in Cali as it is in Chicago, so I won’t need to worry about the truck’s wonky heating system very much. It’s nice here. I saw the ocean Anna; you woulda loved it. It’s huge. I wonder if you can see it from wherever you are? There’s so much sand. There’s a crapload of people too, but hey, whatever. Easier to get lost in, which is good.

I miss you. I want to come visit, but I want to put some roots down here first. You understand, right? I’ll bring you Fall Out Boy’s latest album and some of my chocolate when I can get back to Chicago. You loved that band, and you always loved stealing my candy. You took my entire kit-kat stash that one time, and you held my hand when I got my first cavity drilled, remember? You were what, 8 or 9? You laughed when I couldn’t smile because my face was numb. You were a devil of a kid, Ann.

Almost a third of Raph’s sentence is already done. That bastard deserves to be rotting in a cell until he dies. You’d probably be angry that I think that, you always were advocating that he was a good guy deep down… But Ann, I don’t think I can ever forgive him. It’s his fault, all of this, everything is because of what he did to you.

I’m sorry I wasn’t home. Don’t forgive me.

Love you, kiddo

 

* * *

 

 

October 23, 2006

Hey, squirt

Before you say anything, I know I’m not in Chicago. I’m sorry. I’ll be there in a week, for Halloween. Gotta keep those stupid teenagers away from the cemetery this time. I’m sorry everything got spray painted last year. I went up there and helped clean it all up, Your corner was untouched, thank god. I need to find a better phrase to use than ‘thank god’. I don’t believe in him anymore, Ann. Haven’t stepped foot in a church since you left. Not even for the funeral.

I’ve been taking odd jobs here and there, nothing solid yet. Still living out of my truck. You’d be appalled at my eating habits-- you always were health conscious. You’d swat me upside the head if you saw how many burger wrappers were in the back of the car.

Did you know they’re trying to frame me for it? I guess it’s because I ran off, and if they needed to pin it on someone… Well, I was always the trouble kid, right? Because perfect little doctor-in-training Raphael wouldn’t’ve done something as obscene as actually HURTING his SISTER. Of course not. How insane is that?

I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life without you in it, sis.

I miss you

 

* * *

 

 

October 23, 2007

why

why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy

ann, baby, little sis, god, i miss you

i miss you so bad i wanna jump off a bridge

ann sweetie im homeless and i have no money and im as worthless as mike always knew i would be

i wanna join you i wanna fall asleep on your grave and not wake up and sink into the ground and apologize forever and burn in hell because i deserve it in all the ways the pastor always told me i did even though you never once stopped believing in me

did you stop believing in me when raph threw you into the wall

would you really blame me if i didnt wanna wake up tomorrow

everything is cold because youre gone and the stars dont shine in the city

you loved the stars are you a star now? i cant see you from the streets and its killing me

the news says raphael will be out in two months he’ll be back with cas and hester and rachel and i wont be there to make them lunch or bandage their bruises when he hits them

what if he kills them like he killed you

anna everything is my fault im sorry im so sorry if i could fix everything by dying i would i would do it in a heartbeat i would do it without thinking ann baby you dont deserve to be dead

i want to kill him and i would if it would bring you back

im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry my fault this is all my fault i wasn’t home and im sorry

 

* * *

 

 

October 23, 2008

The word “sorry” doesn’t feel like a word anymore because of how much I say it.

I stopped a gun fight in front of the Laundromat last week. Turns out the guy makes pie. I now can get free pie whenever I want. His name is Ron. The dude cooks meth too, so he was grateful nobody was shot in front of the place. Because then the cops would’ve showed up. I didn’t tell him I stepped between those guys because I didn’t care if they shot me.

It should scare me how much I didn’t care.

But hey, free pie. He spotted me some gas money so I could come to Chicago to see you. I’ve been out of a job for a while, Anna. Funny, I never once thought that I would be poor while I was growing up. It’s kind of hard to see that future for yourself when you’re filthy rich, right?

Sixteen mile drive and I could be home. I could hug Cas, apologize to the girls for walking out on them, punch Mike in the face and… I don’t even know what I would do to Raph. Home is so close I can taste it. You remember dad’s last girlfriend, the one who make the blueberry waffles all the time? I miss her waffles. I miss the bland off-white color scheme. I miss the impeccable dust job and the stream of nannies and the food that looked too fancy to eat. I would wear stupid polo shirts and slacks every day if I could have that back. But I can’t have that back if you’re not there for me to enjoy it with.

Do you see me when I visit your grave? You can see the stars from the cemetery. You would love that. You could probably point out all the constellations and tell me all the stupid little myths of how they came to be. I used to hate that, remember? I wish I’d spent more time on our roof with you while I could.

What am I even doing with my life, Anna? I’m crashing and burning without you.

Sorry doesn’t feel real anymore but I’ll say it anyways.

Sorry. I’m sorry.

 

* * *

 

 

October 23, 2009

Anna

Remember how I wrote you about that guy who I kind of accidentally stabbed on purpose? Turns out his name is Balthazar, and he’s crazy loaded. He’s a rich foreign guy with a weirder name than _Castiel’s_ \-- and he went and bought the out-of-business candy shop in down town Palo Alto.

When I took him back to Coyote’s to, you know, make sure he didn’t bleed out, I gave him some of my chocolate. Chocolate makes everything better, remember how I used to tell you and Cas that all the time? Yeah, so I gave him some of my chocolate, and the asshole immediately spits it out and goes on like I was trying to poison him since the stabbing didn’t work. I guess that was just an act or something, because the guy frickin’ showed up at Coyote’s last night, looking for me. Old C told him I was up here in Chicago, and so the idiot French guy told the man to pass along the message that he just so happened to buy the old candy shop downtown and was in the market for a business partner.

My life is a fucking movie, little sis. This stuff only happens in movies right? Like C-list movies where nobody knows any of the actors and the director is virtually unknown. My life is a shitty chick flick, for fucks sake.

What do I even say to that sort of thing? Hell yes? Do I tell him to go screw off? I need a job, I need money and a place to live so I can stop mooching off of Coyote and get my ass off the Indian reservation and back to P.A.… But I don’t know. This feels too good to be true, you know? I haven’t been to P.A. in awhile though, I mean, it’s been ages since I’ve seen Ron and it probably wouldn’t hurt to just check the place out, I think? I mean, pompous ass or not, this Bathazar guy doesn’t give me much of a serial killer vibe. Actually, I think he’d cry if he got blood on the wacky, more-expensive-than-my-soul pieces of fabric that he calls clothes.

No, seriously. It looks like a rich Hawaiian guy’s thrift shop threw up in his face.

I might check this guy out, Ann. It’s been too long since something good has happened to me. This could be the break that I’ve been looking for.

I miss you sweetheart.

 

* * *

 

 

June 16, 2010

Happy birthday little sis. I’ve got some people who want to say hi :)

Happy b-day gabe's lil sister rock it up in those clouds up there hope you're havin fun up there tell god I say yo    --Balthazar

Happy birthday Anna!  ~Jo Harvelle

Happy birthday – Ron the pie guy

Gabe says you’re dead. Well that kinda sucks. Sorry to hear that. Happy birthday anyways though, I guess. - Jamie the boss

Jamie is a complete idiot. Happy birthday.   –Benny

Happy birthday fellow redhaired sister! Wish I coulda met ya! – Charlie

Happy Birthday!  -- Dr. Eleanor Visyak  

HAPPY MOTHERFRICKIN BIRTHDAY PRETTY LADY – INIAS

I am sincerely sorry you died so young, Anna. I wish you a very happy birthday. –Samandriel

 

I’ve got friends, Ann! Business is booming at the candy shop. You would love it here. It’s all vintage-y inside, because Balthy and I had to make a crap load of compromises on what we wanted it to look like. I’m in charge of the candy. And I live above the shop!!!

I wish you were here to see all of this.

You would have been 21 today. I could’ve taken you out bar hopping. It would have been fun.

 

* * *

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

October 23, 2010

Happy Halloween, oooooOOOOOOOOOooo

Jo made me promise to be back in Palo Alto by the 27th, so I’ve gotta cut this trip short. She’s making me go Trick or Treating… Remember when we snuck out when you were 8, so we could go knock at strangers houses and demand candy? I made you that Princess costume with the help of the nanny. I kept stabbing myself with the needles  because I was clumsy. You never asked me why my hands were all bandaged up. Well, now you know.

We’re taking a couple of lost kids out for the night. They aren’t actually lost, their mom’s just a crack whore. We’ve sort-of-but-not-really taken them under our wing. They’re cute. You’d like them. The little girl kind of reminds me of you. She has a flaming personality and is the sassiest six year old I’ve ever met.

I found out that Cas is going to Stanford. We live in the same town again, for the first time in six years. I know I used to say I wanted to go there-- is that why he went, do you think? Good thing he was never very fond of candy. Hopefully he’ll never show up at the shop.

Speaking of the shop, I’ve figured out how to make fudge taste like cotton candy. It’s my new favorite thing.

I miss you.

 

* * *

 

 

October 23, 2011

Ann

I’m tired. I come up here every holiday, every birthday, every anniversary, and the drive only gets longer. Jo and Bal and Coyote take care of the shop when I’m gone, but… I still worry. Are they making sure all the orders get done on time? Ash always orders ridiculous amounts of jello shots for his parties. I’ve told you about those-- his last one was crazy for all the orders he put in. What if Aggie gets sick? What if Jamie gets his stupid ass into trouble again? I’m not there to bail him out!! I mean, I know Bal will, but still… And I miss them all when I come to Chicago. I miss you too, every day, and I’m sorry that these other people are starting to take up all my head space… And I hate Chicago, I hate it here, I hate breathing the air here and I hate being so close to where I grew up.

I wish I could show you California. If you use driftwood for bonfires, it burns green because of the salt. And you can see the stars from the beach.

I’m sorry my letters have been getting shorter. I’m sorry I have only been writing a few times a week instead of every day. I’m sorry that sometimes I forget about you when I’m with the kids or with Bal or Jo or Charlie.

I’m sorry it was you instead of me.

I’m sorry.

 

* * *

 

 

August 14, 2012

Bal brought this guy to the shop.

His name is Sam. He’s ridiculously tall. I’m not even kidding you, he has, like, six inches on me. At least. And he has shaggy hair, like the hair I had when I decided that grunge was an attractive look on me in middle school. He’s a student at Stanford. Balthy met him in one of the classes he’s taking in his free time.

I invited him over for one of my dinner things, because he’s a health freak and I need to ruin humanity’s eating habits, one by one.

Half of my friends are my employees. I’m turning into a hermit, Ann. I need to get out more. I haven’t even dated anyone since the disaster that was being straight with Kali.

This kid looks kinda like your type. I wish you could meet everyone I know, Ann.

 

* * *

 

 

August 22, 2012

anna

i screwed up ann i was at ash’s party i was bringing him some stuff he needed and sam was there and we got drunk and kissed and i brought him home but we didnt do anything and he fell asleep on my bed and he has track marks just like that one girlfriend dad had when we were little sam is tall and stupid and amazing and im so so so screwed he even has a boyfriend and i think his boyfriend hits him i messed up

sis i need your advice what am i supposed to do now?

 

* * *

 

October 23, 2012

I’m sitting at your grave and writing this. I don’t even know why anymore. Habit, probably.

It’s a beautiful day. It’s not too cold, the sky is almost cloudless, there’s some people milling about. It’s nice.

I miss you.

 

* * *

 

 

October 23, 2013

Heya, Anna

I’m sorry I’m not in Chicago right now. Virgil got really sick. Little kid like him, he already looked sick all the time, and he looks tiny in the crappy hospital bed. He’s got RSV. The doctors say he’ll be fine in a week or two, but he’s still in the hospital and I didn’t want to leave him. Sam told me he’d stay with Virgil if I went and visited you for a day or two, but I just… I can’t leave them, you know?

You should see everyone trying to cram themselves into Virgil’s tiny room though, it’s hilarious. Sam and Bal take up so much room, being stupidly tall and lanky. And then Charlie and Jo take up the room with how LOUD they are.. And the other kids run around and it’s all just crazy.

 

 

* * *

 

 

August 14, 2014

I’ve known Sam for 2 years, Ann. I’ve been dating him for almost that entire time.

D’you think I have enough fashion taste to find a good ring without humiliating myself by being too picky?

 

* * *

 

 

October 23, 2014

Ten years.

It’s been ten years since you died, Anna.

It’s been a decade. An entire decade since I’ve seen you. Since I’ve talked to you. Since I heard you laugh and since I’ve gotten mad at you for getting mad at me or staying out too late or taking my phone or my candy or my clothes.

I’ve grown up a lot in a decade. I pay taxes. Can you believe it? TAXES. I own a business. I’m 29. I have friends. I have a boyfriend, and I’m going to ask him to marry me. I essentially have foster kids. I don’t think you’d even recognize me anymore. I was such a self-righteous asshole when I was younger. I thought I was cool. You thought I was cool too, but I promise you Anna, I really, really wasn’t. I was an idiot, and I was too young to have all the pressure on me that I had. Even if you hadn’t died, I would’ve probably run away for some other reason. I’d’ve found some reason to pack it up and leave. The only difference would be that I probably would’ve taken you and Cas with me.

I wonder what you would be like now, if you were still here? You’d be stunning, probably. A real mankiller. You’d be a heartbreaker, little sis, I can feel it. If you were still here, I’d call you. I’d call you every day. I’d tell you I loved you every day. I’d tell you that you were beautiful. I’d threaten all of your boyfriends with a baseball bat. I’d introduce you to Sam and the kids. I’d keep Balthazar and his sleezy flirting 10 feet away from you at all times. I’d use you as a guinea pig and have you taste test all of the weird things I cook up in the kitchen.

“Time heals all wounds” is a piece of bullshit. It still feels like I’m missing a limb, like I’ve been stabbed, like I’m _being_ stabbed.

I think it’s because I haven’t tried to let you go.

I’ve been holding onto you all of these years and blaming myself. I know I didn’t kill you. That was Raphael. But I can’t stop thinking, “what if I had been home?” you know?

I… I need to stop doing that, Ann.

I want you to be proud of me, and I look at myself now and I don’t think I’m something you can be proud of. I’ve been getting better, I’m definitely better than I was those first few years, but I still focus my life around the black hole that’s where you used to be.

I think this is going to be my last letter, Ann. I’m sorry. I’m not planning on forgetting you, not at all, but I can’t keep on with looking back. My life is finally being put into order. I have kids who depend on me being there and being stable. I have Sam, and he depends on me being stable because he’s still craving the heroin, even though he’s been clean for months. Bal needs me to bail him out of jail when he does something stupid when he’s drunk and he needs me because I’m one of the only people who understands him. I need me to be stable, so I can be happy and live my life.

I’m not forgetting you, Anna, I promise. I’m just moving on.

I love you, I miss you, and not a day goes by where I don’t think about you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew!   
> I'm finally done with the letters. The next (and last) chapter will be people actually doing stuff, not just letters. I promise! Not even one letter next chapter! Stick with me here, guys. :)  
> Thank you for the kudos omg. It motivates my lazy butt to actually do things.


End file.
